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If You Blend, You Lose

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

In today’s workplace, if your service or product looks like everyone else’s, then no one remembers you – you just blend. And if you blend in today’s competitive economy, you lose.

There is a life lesson in this same phrase, “if you blend, you lose.” Your greatest happiness, impact and success will be in living your true life, not in following the crowd.

We are truly unique – different from everyone. This distinction is both external and internal. We look different, we think differently. Our brain biology predisposes us to be good at some things and not others. We love some things and not others. Our greatness is in the unique combination of talents, passions and strengths that came hardwired in our DNA when we were born. We were born to be unique – not to blend.

To take advantage of this greatness, we must take the time to know ourselves – to learn about what we are good at, passionate about and what matters to us.

Most of us have a loud “committee” – those internal voices that tell us to play it safe, blend, don’t stand out, do what everybody else does, be concerned with what others think and say. Then, we conform. We listen to voices that steer us away from our abilities, our dreams and our best contributions. When we don’t know ourselves well, we trust the perspectives of others more than our own – others’ voices become louder than ours. We follow the herd.

When we blend – when we act like everyone else even though we are different – we really do lose. We lose when we don’t play to our greatness – when we don’t develop our talents and strengths, and live our passions. We lose when we miss out on the things that move us, inspire us and engage us. And when we say no to these, we give away our greatest gift – the ability to invent our lives as we want them.

So, to develop the courage to stand out and be who you are,
1. Identify your talents.
2. Next, identify your passions.
3. Then, review your life to see how much of your talents and passions you include in the way you live and work.
4. Change things to live what matters to you. Turn down the volume of others’ voices.

My personal perspective is that when we realize our personal greatness, we bring our best to our world – we transform our world. So, if we blend we don’t live authentically, then we cheat the world. When we blend, we all lose.

As has been said, “We don’t get harmony when we all sing the same note.” We are supposed to find our own voice and sing our part. Discover your part and sing it in your way. What a concert it will be.

This perspective is presented in my new book, The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World. Join our mailing list at www.TheGreatnessZone.com to be notified when the book is available, and please pass this on to someone who can benefit from it.

Tags: greatness zone, internal voice, life, live authentically, love life, passions, personal greatness, strengths, talents
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Be Someone’s Hero

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

New England winters can be terrible – because of the cold and snow. I was probably 17, running an errand for my parents. The roads were icy and poorly plowed. I came from a store to its small parking lot to find a car stuck in a rut caused by the snow and ice. The driver was an older woman. No matter what she tried, her tires spun ineffectively on the ice. She was going nowhere.

I gently knocked on her window and asked if I could help. The window lowered. She was sobbing uncontrollably. Between sobs she told me she stopped to buy flowers for a sick friend. This friend was in the hospital and was all alone – she had no family in the area. She had been trying to get free for the last half hour, growing increasingly afraid that she would not be rescued and would miss the visiting hours in the hospital. She continued to cry. I took her hand and told her not to worry, that I would help her get on her way. She called me her hero – imagine.

To show her appreciation, she reached into her purse for a wallet and tried to give me some money. I refused but told her she had to do two things for me: first, once we start to get her car moving, she must keep going and not stop until she was back on clear roads. Second, that she had to be her friend’s hero. She promised to do both.

The way to get out of an ice rut is to rock the car back and forth. After four tries, and my pushing at the right moment, the car crested the rut and she was on her way. She waved through her open window and continued cautiously though the bumpy parking lot out onto a cleared street. I watched her drive away and never saw her again.

I think of this often, and other events like it. I didn’t plan on being someone’s hero – I know I just did what we were taught as kids – to always be there for others. Sometimes what seems to be the smallest thing can have an amazing impact on another’s life.

What have you done to be someone’s hero?

Who have you encouraged, stood up for, defended, hugged, applauded or supported?

Whose world have you improved?

When called on to help, do you step up or step away?

Life requires us to be fully present. Sometimes we need help, sometimes we provide help. And in the process we realize we have a responsibility to and in this world. We invent our world in this very moment – and having a profound effect on someone else’s life – to be their hero – is one way we improve life for all of us.

Watch for my new book, The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World, due out October 1, 2010. Sign up to be notified when it is available and to be included in our Greatness events, activities and resources at www.TheGreatnessZone.com.

Tags: be a hero, be there for a friend, friendship, help others, hero, make a difference, need help, profound effect, sick friend
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A Personal Team of Advisors

Thursday, August 12th, 2010

Organizations and associations have their boards of directors. Governments have their cabinet members. Churches have their councils. They all know that “none of us is as smart as all of us.” They look to expand their effectiveness by creating a team of trusted advisors to counsel, share, coach and educate.

The same should be true for our lives. Who is your personal team of advisors – those friends, family members, colleagues or associates that you go to with your comments, ideas, challenges and successes? Who do you check in with for guidance and support?

Life is tough. And though I believe we are each hardwired for greatness, accessing our greatness sometimes requires help and wisdom from others. When we use this collective wisdom, we invent greater possibilities and opportunities; we can better sort through, discuss and decide.

Here are several situations that would benefit from your personal team of advisors:
1. You have received an unsolicited job offer from another company.
2. You have an idea for a business, book, event, etc., and wonder how it might be received.
3. You are dealing with the loss of a loved one, a broken heart, a lost job or other traumatic personal event.
4. You are deciding whether to buy a house, car, condo, or other large purchase.
5. You are challenged by something critical you heard in church, in your political party, in an association you belong to.

Who do you turn to? Whose opinions do you trust? Who is on your “personal team of advisors?”

Consider the following as a way to select your team of advisors:
1. Do I trust their decision-making process?
2. Do I value their expertise?
3. Do I know, understand and value their beliefs?
4. Do I feel connected to them as people?
5. Can I share something important, have it be kept in confidence and be fairly discussed?

Though life can be tough, we have the gift of others to help navigate the challenges that come with life. We must first know ourselves to be strong and confident on our own. Then, connect with several people who make up our team of life advisors, those who we can always turn to in order to sort things out, share a success or deal with a failure. None of us is as smart (or confident, or sane, or engaged) as all of us. Develop your “go to” team – your personal team of advisors.

Please forward this to someone who can benefit from it, and watch for my new book, The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World, due out in September.

Tags: confidant, discussion, friends, life issues, make good decisions, personal connection, team of advisors, trust
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What Went Right?

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

I was having dinner with a colleague a week ago. The negative commentary from this colleague was utterly fatiguing; business was a problem, relationships were a problem, even the dog was a problem.

After about 10 minutes of constant complaining, I interrupted and asked, “Has anything gone right?”

My colleague looked at me, embarrassed about the tsunami of negativity. We then spent the rest of dinner focused on the opportunities, successes and possibilities in our lives. It started as a meal destined for an antacid, but developed into an exceptionally uplifting and engaging evening. All it took was a change in outlook.

“So, what went right?” has become one of my favorite phrases. It gets me out of my cynical mindset or when a day or life becomes unpredictably difficult. I can choose to focus on the challenges and how unfair life can be, or I can realize that life is as it is – and that my success, happiness and attitude are based on how I choose to see and respond to life.

Consider the following ways to keep your week positive, upbeat and focused on what goes right:

1. When you start to feel yourself noticing only challenges and difficulties, stop, then list things that are going, or have gone, right. Don’t stop until you have 15 or 20 words, ideas or events. This is easier to do than you think.
2. Spend time getting to know yourself. When you know your talents and passions, you can put yourself into situations and roles that play to what you are good at and the things that appeal to you. This encourages you to feel capable, confident and interested. Playing to your strengths and passions helps you remain upbeat and optimistic.
3. Choose wisely who you deal with. Minimize your contact with negative people – and challenge them to focus more on what goes right than what goes wrong. Get a “no whining” and “no complaining” sticker for your car, office and fridge.

It is our choice to see only the negative, or to acknowledge the negative but focus on the positive. Dwelling on challenges and disappointments is unproductive. Assessing and responding with focus and optimism turns challenges into opportunities. So when things are tough, and you feel yourself starting to complain, ask yourself, what went right?

Please share this with someone who can benefit from it, and contact me to help you learn how to assess your talents and passions, to help feel more connected to work and life.

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