Posts Tagged ‘be happy’

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Handle Things A Little At A Time

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine I know from the gym. She said, “I hate my life.” Whoa. Stop. “Maybe there are some things you dislike about life at the moment, but do you really hate your life?” I asked. She laughed and said ‘no,’ but that she was in a funk.

Life is as life is. The most successful people in life (and I define successful people in life as those who love their lives, not just those that have the most stuff) are those who find small ways to stay upbeat, happy and engaged regardless what comes their way. They reconnect to small meaningful things during the day to remind themselves of what is going right instead of what is going wrong. They make the time for attitude mini-makeovers – minor changes in attitude and approach to focus on abundance and possibility, not scarcity and impossibility.

Here are two examples:

1. When you notice your belt is getting a little tighter than it should, eliminate snacks for the week, or replace them with fruit. Don’t change all your eating habits, just select one thing and either eliminate an abuse or add something of value. It helps you feel in charge, it is easier to do and it helps you address an issue. You feel empowered and capable. It does great things for your attitude.

2. When you see that times are tight and you have less money for the old traditions of eating out, going to movies or buying things at will, you modify just a bit to have friends over, play board games, go for coffee instead of meals, or plan a day of window shopping instead of store shopping. Life is still fun, but now it doesn’t put you into a financial situation you can’t afford. You feel empowered and capable. It does great things for your attitude.

Human nature seems to drive us to notice what is not right, then spend our time complaining about it and making it larger than it is. True, life does send us true traumas. So, to me, when it is not a true trauma, don’t make it one. See things as they are, realizing that life is as it is; our job is to find ways to be happy and successful with whatever comes our way. And to quote from Winnie the Pooh (it is amazing where wisdom can come from), “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Just handle things a little at a time.

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Broke, But Not Poor

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

The recession has created some of the toughest times many of today’s younger generations have lived through. But there are many older people who have lived through tougher times. They have learned how to survive and thrive in challenging times.

Suzan Colon shares in her great book, Cherries in Winter, the stories of how her family has weathered tough times, and how these responses are meaningful in helping us stay focused, healthy and confident in our period of uncertainty and change. Her grandmother used the phrase, “broke, but not poor.” Broke meaning times are tough now – but this is temporary. Poor refers to something more permanent. It was her way of saying “we’ll do what it takes to get by, then we’ll get better.” Realistic and optimistic. Wisdom for real life.

Tough times remind us that all things come and go, increase and diminish. So in the down times, what are your traditions or techniques to raise your spirits and keep you sane, healthy and appreciating life? What stories and wisdom do your older relatives share about how to weather tough times and retain your appreciation for what you have and who you are?

Here are tips from seniors who have learned how to be “broke, but not poor:”
1. Spend just a little on a treat every now and then. Make it a celebration.

2. Share what you have. It connects you at a deeper level and helps remind others to do the same.

3. Redefine value as experiences instead of things. Make a point of socializing more with friends and family. Share stories.

4. Say thank you more. It helps you see what you have instead of what you don’t have.

5. Get up and get moving each day. Start each day with a clear purpose and a personal sense of value.

History does seem to repeat itself. Some of its greatest lessons are still meaningful for us today. Many of our older relatives have weathered storms significantly more difficult than today’s. Their wisdom is timeless and guidance is priceless. Most times we don’t need to reinvent things – we just need to check in with those who have had experience with handling life on life’s terms.

Please pass this on to someone who can benefit from it.

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What You Can and Can’t Control

Thursday, April 8th, 2010

Here is a situation: It rains during your meticulously planned annual big family barbecue.

Feeling the tension and anger? I thought so.

Two questions:
The first: What can’t you control?
o The weather.
o Your favorite cousins have the flu and won’t be attending.
o Using the new fire pit under the flowering pear tree that is in full flower.
o Aunt Melinda’s jello salad; Uncle Jim’s jokes.

The second: What can you control?
o How you cook the food today.
o How you rearrange the house or garage to have the party.
o How you move the activities to indoor events.
o How much fun you will still have, and how great it will be to see the family.
o Your outlook and attitude.

One of my favorite quotes comes from the poet Maya Angelou, “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

So, if this were your party, what would the rain tell you about you? Do events that you cannot control take control of you? Do you have a meltdown, or do you realize it is beyond your control and find reasons to be happy?

I often tell the story of getting detoured from my normal route to the highway only to find an amazing plant nursery I did not know about; great plants, great prices and a farmer’s market. What a find! I had two choices with the detour – allow it to get me upset, or to realize I had no control over the event and to be on the lookout for something great.

I believe there is always something great, often initially hidden by a disappointment. The trick is to learn how to be able to see it. And you can’t if you let the things you cannot control get you down.

You can’t always control how things happen, but you can always control how you respond. Be optimistic, upbeat and look for the good. “Positive attitude” – it does a body good.

Please pass this on to someone who can benefit from it.

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Get Up When You Fall

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

“The greatest glory consists, not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Oliver Goldsmith.

Some celebrities seem never to fall. Their careers keep rising, they have money, fame, great lives and great success. And then there are the other 350 million of us who deal regularly with disappointment, challenge and failure.

Failure – it is part of living a great life. In fact our failures are a means to better understand ourselves – to learn how capable we are. Think of it this way:

When we fail, we meet an obstacle we are unable to navigate around. This obstacle is a roadblock requiring us stop, think, observe, assess and learn. For the times we did not fall or encounter an obstacle, we were successful in our response – nothing new to learn. But obstacles require more thinking, more effort and more lessons. These lessons set us up for future successes.

So as you move through life, your greatest lessons will be in your failures. But you won’t succeed if you don’t get up from every fall.

So here is my “pick myself back up” approach – see if it works for you:
1. I go to my library of wise quotes and highlighted passages in books from wise authors; their comments and wisdom help me regain my footing and sanity.
2. I look at how I failed; I record 3 things that did not go right (what do I need to learn?).
3. I record three ways things could improve – and what I need to do to make them improve (what talents and strengths do I have I didn’t know about – or what resources and help from others can I count on?)
4. I record two things I am great at (because a bruised ego needs some good news).
5. I make a commitment to improve and give myself a high-five for being tough in a tough world – and then get a Starbucks.

Develop your response to getting back up stronger and more determined. Realize only you can do this for you. You own your life and all of or your responses. Learn to see a fall as a lesson to make your future days more successful.

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