I remember back to when my kids played soccer in my town’s youth league. Though we all wanted our kids to play well and make a difference on the team, one parent was obsessed with their daughter being the “best.”
This parent moved her daughter to teams she thought would win, paid for personalized coaching, browbeat coaches to increase her daughter’s playing time – all the signs of a parent living her life through the life of her daughter. There is a great preoccupation of being THE best versus being YOUR best.
What made this particularly poignant is that most days on the way home from the games, this kid would have an emotional meltdown on the way to the car – for all of us to see. She just didn’t want to be the best – she just wanted to play and make a difference. What struck me most was that the daughter was wiser than the mom.
To me there is always more value in being our personal best than being “the best.” Maybe it’s because I’m not a real competitive person. Or maybe because, for me, the only thing in life that really matters is living to our own potential – of living who we really are – done in our best way possible. My standards for me should be in terms of my capabilities, not others’ criteria.
I believe we are each born with unique abilities – unique talents, strengths and passions. Our focus should be to use our life to identify which abilities we have and how to develop them to be happy, successful and impact our world. To be the best is not the same as to be our best.
My job (Chief Performance Officer) has me managing performance for a company – this includes hiring, developing and engaging employees. What stops most employees from achieving their personal best is their lack of understanding about what they have as talents and gifts; they are unaware of their capabilities and constantly look for others to define success for them. Though in a company we can create performance expectations to define performance success, what I really want most from my people is their commitment to achieve their personal best.
At our organization, we focus on hiring the right employees (their natural abilities match those needed to be successful in the job, and they like doing the job), then help them realize their full potential – to add value and make a difference. I want my employees to know what their capabilities are and maximize them.
The only trophy anyone should ever get is one that applauds them for reaching their potential. If we all strived to reach our potential, there would be more “winners” in life and less of a regard for “superstars.” After all, each of us has superstar abilities just waiting to be discovered and lived. And being “the” best doesn’t mean you achieved “your” best.
