Posts Tagged ‘own your life’

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Handle Things A Little At A Time

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine I know from the gym. She said, “I hate my life.” Whoa. Stop. “Maybe there are some things you dislike about life at the moment, but do you really hate your life?” I asked. She laughed and said ‘no,’ but that she was in a funk.

Life is as life is. The most successful people in life (and I define successful people in life as those who love their lives, not just those that have the most stuff) are those who find small ways to stay upbeat, happy and engaged regardless what comes their way. They reconnect to small meaningful things during the day to remind themselves of what is going right instead of what is going wrong. They make the time for attitude mini-makeovers – minor changes in attitude and approach to focus on abundance and possibility, not scarcity and impossibility.

Here are two examples:

1. When you notice your belt is getting a little tighter than it should, eliminate snacks for the week, or replace them with fruit. Don’t change all your eating habits, just select one thing and either eliminate an abuse or add something of value. It helps you feel in charge, it is easier to do and it helps you address an issue. You feel empowered and capable. It does great things for your attitude.

2. When you see that times are tight and you have less money for the old traditions of eating out, going to movies or buying things at will, you modify just a bit to have friends over, play board games, go for coffee instead of meals, or plan a day of window shopping instead of store shopping. Life is still fun, but now it doesn’t put you into a financial situation you can’t afford. You feel empowered and capable. It does great things for your attitude.

Human nature seems to drive us to notice what is not right, then spend our time complaining about it and making it larger than it is. True, life does send us true traumas. So, to me, when it is not a true trauma, don’t make it one. See things as they are, realizing that life is as it is; our job is to find ways to be happy and successful with whatever comes our way. And to quote from Winnie the Pooh (it is amazing where wisdom can come from), “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Just handle things a little at a time.

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A Victim of Popular Opinion

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

Keeping up with the Joneses. Having all the latest fashions. Driving a certain brand of car. Living in a particular neighborhood. Popular opinion. It can offer valuable information. It can also entice us to be something we are not. Who influences your thinking and your decisions about you?

Let me tell you about two of my friends.

Sam (name has been changed) is clear about what he thinks and believes about himself; he knows what he is good at, passionate about and what success is for him. He has found his personal fit in today’s world based on his talents, passions and purpose. And though he listens to the world, he never allows it to determine how he should live, what work he should do and how he spends his money. He is one of the most content people I know.

Jean (name has been changed) is very aware of popular opinion. She chooses what she wears, where she works and what she drives based on what others say. She does not trust her understanding of herself, has not spent the time to know herself, or made decisions that matter for her. She is one of the most erratic and discontented people I know.

In a world where technology constantly exposes us to popular opinion, I look at these two (and many more just like them), to see the impact of using our perspective or another’s perspective of how to live. In all cases, those who take ownership of what is personally important are more content.

Much of my work helps people rediscover their passion for work and life by finding their fit – finding their best place. Those who find their fit know the following things about themselves:
1. What they are good at – what makes them feel capable and competent.
2. What they love to do – what activates their passions and emotions.
3. What is success for them in today’s world – what makes them happy and where value is for them in today’s terms.

So what do you know about you? Moreover, who do you listen to? Is your voice louder and more confident than public opinion? How will you ensure you are living the life you choose, instead of one that others say you should? (Be sure to read George Saunders’ essay “The Braindead Megaphone.) Own it. Work strong, live stronger.

Please pass this on to someone who can benefit from it. Contact me if you need my help.

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Get Up When You Fall

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

“The greatest glory consists, not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Oliver Goldsmith.

Some celebrities seem never to fall. Their careers keep rising, they have money, fame, great lives and great success. And then there are the other 350 million of us who deal regularly with disappointment, challenge and failure.

Failure – it is part of living a great life. In fact our failures are a means to better understand ourselves – to learn how capable we are. Think of it this way:

When we fail, we meet an obstacle we are unable to navigate around. This obstacle is a roadblock requiring us stop, think, observe, assess and learn. For the times we did not fall or encounter an obstacle, we were successful in our response – nothing new to learn. But obstacles require more thinking, more effort and more lessons. These lessons set us up for future successes.

So as you move through life, your greatest lessons will be in your failures. But you won’t succeed if you don’t get up from every fall.

So here is my “pick myself back up” approach – see if it works for you:
1. I go to my library of wise quotes and highlighted passages in books from wise authors; their comments and wisdom help me regain my footing and sanity.
2. I look at how I failed; I record 3 things that did not go right (what do I need to learn?).
3. I record three ways things could improve – and what I need to do to make them improve (what talents and strengths do I have I didn’t know about – or what resources and help from others can I count on?)
4. I record two things I am great at (because a bruised ego needs some good news).
5. I make a commitment to improve and give myself a high-five for being tough in a tough world – and then get a Starbucks.

Develop your response to getting back up stronger and more determined. Realize only you can do this for you. You own your life and all of or your responses. Learn to see a fall as a lesson to make your future days more successful.

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Rise and Shine or Rise and Whine

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

Your choice – whine or shine…

We choose our attitude, how we approach our days and what difference we make. We have repeatedly heard that attitude inspires our success or leads to our downfall. Are you truly happy, or are you constantly miserable? As poet Maya Angelo says, “You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.” What kind of person are you – a shiner or a whiner?

The world is not perfect – it will never be and it isn’t designed to be. But in the course of our challenging days we are gifted with extraordinary things – if we choose to see them. Each day we choose the particular glasses through which we see our world. We can see gloom and limits, or opportunities and possibilities. We influence the outcome and success of our days by our choice to whine or shine. Our choice. Our lens.

I have a friend who revels in having the world see how difficult his world is. He is always more tired, more strapped for money, more upset, more unappreciated…the list doesn’t end. I think his perspective is “if you are not visibly suffering, how will others know you are a martyr?” Why be a martyr? Time for some whine…

I also have a friend who is dealing with a long-term debilitating illness. This person is upbeat, happy and fully present in his world. Every day he is content, optimistic and adding value. What a shine…

It is our choice to how to approach our days and how to be affected by the events in our day. Attitude is everything.

Take Action: Commit to wearing new “glasses” – to see the positive instead of the negative. Start your “shine” list – a list of the reasons to be upbeat, appreciative and grateful. But if you choose to rise and whine, I’m not going to invite you to my party, even if I am serving cheese. (whine and cheese…get it?)

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