Life is as life is. The most successful people in life (and I define successful people in life as those who love their lives, not just those that have the most stuff) are those who find small ways to stay upbeat, happy and engaged regardless what comes their way. They reconnect to small meaningful things during the day to remind themselves of what is going right instead of what is going wrong. They make the time for attitude mini-makeovers – minor changes in attitude and approach to focus on abundance and possibility, not scarcity and impossibility.

Here are two examples:

1. When you notice your belt is getting a little tighter than it should, eliminate snacks for the week, or replace them with fruit. Don’t change all your eating habits, just select one thing and either eliminate an abuse or add something of value. It helps you feel in charge, it is easier to do and it helps you address an issue. You feel empowered and capable. It does great things for your attitude.

2. When you see that times are tight and you have less money for the old traditions of eating out, going to movies or buying things at will, you modify just a bit to have friends over, play board games, go for coffee instead of meals, or plan a day of window shopping instead of store shopping. Life is still fun, but now it doesn’t put you into a financial situation you can’t afford. You feel empowered and capable. It does great things for your attitude.

Human nature seems to drive us to notice what is not right, then spend our time complaining about it and making it larger than it is. True, life does send us true traumas. So, to me, when it is not a true trauma, don’t make it one. See things as they are, realizing that life is as it is; our job is to find ways to be happy and successful with whatever comes our way. And to quote from Winnie the Pooh (it is amazing where wisdom can come from), “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Just handle things a little at a time.

Let me tell you about two of my friends.

Sam (name has been changed) is clear about what he thinks and believes about himself; he knows what he is good at, passionate about and what success is for him. He has found his personal fit in today’s world based on his talents, passions and purpose. And though he listens to the world, he never allows it to determine how he should live, what work he should do and how he spends his money. He is one of the most content people I know.

Jean (name has been changed) is very aware of popular opinion. She chooses what she wears, where she works and what she drives based on what others say. She does not trust her understanding of herself, has not spent the time to know herself, or made decisions that matter for her. She is one of the most erratic and discontented people I know.

In a world where technology constantly exposes us to popular opinion, I look at these two (and many more just like them), to see the impact of using our perspective or another’s perspective of how to live. In all cases, those who take ownership of what is personally important are more content.

Much of my work helps people rediscover their passion for work and life by finding their fit – finding their best place. Those who find their fit know the following things about themselves:
1. What they are good at – what makes them feel capable and competent.
2. What they love to do – what activates their passions and emotions.
3. What is success for them in today’s world – what makes them happy and where value is for them in today’s terms.

So what do you know about you? Moreover, who do you listen to? Is your voice louder and more confident than public opinion? How will you ensure you are living the life you choose, instead of one that others say you should? (Be sure to read George Saunders’ essay “The Braindead Megaphone.) Own it. Work strong, live stronger.

Please pass this on to someone who can benefit from it. Contact me if you need my help.

Some celebrities seem never to fall. Their careers keep rising, they have money, fame, great lives and great success. And then there are the other 350 million of us who deal regularly with disappointment, challenge and failure.

Failure – it is part of living a great life. In fact our failures are a means to better understand ourselves – to learn how capable we are. Think of it this way:

When we fail, we meet an obstacle we are unable to navigate around. This obstacle is a roadblock requiring us stop, think, observe, assess and learn. For the times we did not fall or encounter an obstacle, we were successful in our response – nothing new to learn. But obstacles require more thinking, more effort and more lessons. These lessons set us up for future successes.

So as you move through life, your greatest lessons will be in your failures. But you won’t succeed if you don’t get up from every fall.

So here is my “pick myself back up” approach – see if it works for you:
1. I go to my library of wise quotes and highlighted passages in books from wise authors; their comments and wisdom help me regain my footing and sanity.
2. I look at how I failed; I record 3 things that did not go right (what do I need to learn?).
3. I record three ways things could improve – and what I need to do to make them improve (what talents and strengths do I have I didn’t know about – or what resources and help from others can I count on?)
4. I record two things I am great at (because a bruised ego needs some good news).
5. I make a commitment to improve and give myself a high-five for being tough in a tough world – and then get a Starbucks.

Develop your response to getting back up stronger and more determined. Realize only you can do this for you. You own your life and all of or your responses. Learn to see a fall as a lesson to make your future days more successful.

We choose our attitude, how we approach our days and what difference we make. We have repeatedly heard that attitude inspires our success or leads to our downfall. Are you truly happy, or are you constantly miserable? As poet Maya Angelo says, “You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.” What kind of person are you – a shiner or a whiner?

The world is not perfect – it will never be and it isn’t designed to be. But in the course of our challenging days we are gifted with extraordinary things – if we choose to see them. Each day we choose the particular glasses through which we see our world. We can see gloom and limits, or opportunities and possibilities. We influence the outcome and success of our days by our choice to whine or shine. Our choice. Our lens.

I have a friend who revels in having the world see how difficult his world is. He is always more tired, more strapped for money, more upset, more unappreciated…the list doesn’t end. I think his perspective is “if you are not visibly suffering, how will others know you are a martyr?” Why be a martyr? Time for some whine…

I also have a friend who is dealing with a long-term debilitating illness. This person is upbeat, happy and fully present in his world. Every day he is content, optimistic and adding value. What a shine…

It is our choice to how to approach our days and how to be affected by the events in our day. Attitude is everything.

Take Action: Commit to wearing new “glasses” – to see the positive instead of the negative. Start your “shine” list – a list of the reasons to be upbeat, appreciative and grateful. But if you choose to rise and whine, I’m not going to invite you to my party, even if I am serving cheese. (whine and cheese…get it?)

One of my new favorite books is Ariane de BonVoisin’s The First 30 Days. She presents change creates opportunity and we should believe that change will always lead us to something better. With this thought, we don’t fear change; we welcome it. (Check out her book and website).

It is difficult to maintain an optimistic perspective in the face of harsh times. But our resiliency is dependent on our attitude. If we constantly focus on the negative, then that is all we will see (and the medications and time with psychologists will continue). If, instead, we develop the ability to constantly focus on the positive and the opportunities, we will be more upbeat and optimistic and will have the energy and tenacity to survive the down times.

This economy got me down. So to jumpstart myself out my self-imposed death spiral, I listed as many benefits of a recession as I could think of. Click here to see my list. It was easier to write than I thought and it brought me to a better reality. Use the comment section to add your personal “benefits of a recession” – I’ll keep the list going.

Time for Action: How will you stay upbeat and focused on the good? What great things have happened in a down time? How will you use obstacles to become more connected to who you are and the talents you have? You own your life and your attitude. Get out of neutral.

You were born with great talents and strengths; part of the role of life is to learn about yourself to determine and develop your natural gifts. Most people use so little of what they have been given.

Your life is as little or as big as you choose to make it. Do you want a life that gets you Fired Up! each morning, excited to start another day, grateful, excited and passionate? Do you want a life that makes a difference by using what you are great at to influence the world, other people and other perspectives? Do you want a life that is so great that you never think about dying because you are so busy living? Me too. That is what I want for life. And I know that if that is what I want then it is up to me to make it happen.

Most people are quick to point a finger at or blame others for the things they do not like about their lives. But here’s the fact. The buck stops with you about you. You want a different, exciting, passionate and more fired up life? Then what are you going to do to get it? How will you own your life?

Start now – what do you want your life to be? How will this use your talents and strengths? How will you start and progress on this journey? Own your life. You have the ability to make it EXTRAordinary.

Today, I continue with my seven steps to finding a job you love because when you love your job, your performance, effort and engagement improves. Today, I introduce Step 4.

Find the right job Step 4:
Review what you listed from steps 1, 2 and 3 (what you are great at, what you love to do and what fits into your definition of success) and identify where any of the items you listed intersect. Where these three areas intersect is called your “MaxImpact Core.” This represents the environment that allows you to connect to your performance both intellectually and emotionally. This is where you have the greatest “fit,” greatest passion and greatest connection. This is critical information needed to identify your dream job – your “right” job. It is worth the effort to go through this process. Most people do not know what they are great at. Fewer know what their definition of success is. Where these, and your passions, intersect is where you will feel empowered and alive in the workplace. Find this. Trust me, you will be so glad you did and you will never take a boring job again. Life is too short to hate your job. It is your choice to have an ordinary or extraordinary job (and life). Learn how to find a job that activates your passions and makes you feel significant. Own your work and your life…you can have the best of each.

Two final steps and we’re done. I introduce Step 5 tomorrow. Don’t miss it. And share these with your friends and families who are job hunting…learn a better way of looking for the right job – one that will give you a job you love (and will excel in). For more information see “Stand Out and Get Hired” . Know yourself, what you are great at and what you are passionate about. Then find a job that allows you to use these. That is the “right” job for you.

In the book, the traveler is introduced to seven historic figures, including Harry Truman, Ann Frank, Abraham Lincoln and others. Each historical person has some particular piece of wisdom to share to help the traveler realign and own his life. Though all seven lessons presented are important, the first lesson is most critical – “the buck stops here” – in other words, you own your life, your decisions, your success or failure. There is no blaming others, no wishing things were different. You have choices and your choices direct your work and life. It is about being fully accountable. It is about owning your life and everything in it.

In today’s blaming world, it always seems to be someone else’s fault. Today, step up and own you life and work. If job seeking, find out what you are good at and apply for jobs in which you are competitive. Take charge of your process and own it. In life, review your choices and be clear about what you want for your life. Live your life, not the life others require or expect of you. Work in roles that activate your passions and talents. Love what you do. Your past does not dictate your future. The buck stops with you. Your life, your work. Own it.

ps – check out the entire book; it is empowering and engaging. Share its lessons with people you care about.